haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
