watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
