i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
