Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
