we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
