I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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