Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize