I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
