I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
