Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
