Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
