You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
