I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
