Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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