how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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