I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
wanna go halves on a baby?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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