my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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