I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
