She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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