you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
