the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
