Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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