Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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