i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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