I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
