Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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