You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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