Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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