I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
