You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
