I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
