dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
