It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
