Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i will never coherently bang her
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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