just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize