what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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