Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
