but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
3 2 1 whiskey
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
