what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
