TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
