I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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