Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
