apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
