you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
