i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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