the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
