just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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