you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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