i just google imaged poop.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
