My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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