It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
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