He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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