i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
