and you said cock pushups were impossible
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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