how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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