Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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