My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
