i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
