Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
