I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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