I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The air was thick with penises
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
