Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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