Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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